Of passing and the past

Had a pretty rough week at work with crazy deadlines and numerous interruptions, but at least some relief came in the form of a friendly game of foosball with the ESPN folks on Thursday night. (How 'friendly' a 4v4 round-robin competition with 16 games to be played can be is left to your imagination; all I can say is that one game against the motor mouth in particular was especially gratifying.)

I reached home that same night to hear that one of my grand-aunts had passed away earlier that afternoon.

While I wasn't particularly close to her side of the family, that all-familiar sense of loss struck me all the same.

The news brought back memories of the departure of my grandmother, some eight (seven? nine? my memory is failing me) years ago. Grandfather often used to say that she came back to visit him in his sleep, until he, too, departed, five years ago on this very day. I miss them both.

At the wake tonight, I was sad and subdued. Paid my last respects, offered some incense, sat down for a while with the rest of my relatives. It felt kind of odd for a couple of reasons. Firstly, we were the embodiment of CNY relatives - we'd only get to see each other during the annual Chinese New Year visiting routine, so meeting up at a wake seemed slightly out of context. And secondly, most of them were having a good time - well ok, not good good, but certainly not wailing-weepy - catching up with the rest, cracking NKF jokes, peanut jokes, jokes about grandparents and old folks; the latter mainly coming from the grandparents and old folks themselves.

After a while I felt absolutely silly about feeling solemn and serious. You just can't keep a straight face with these old folks going heartily at it (and at each other, and everyone around). And that's when I realized that the beauty of a wake is not in the mourning of the deceased; it's in the celebration of the life that they led, of the strength of family support, and of the support of those around and close to them.

And then I left the wake, still feeling a bit sad, but not so subdued, not so solemn. And walked away with a smile.

I will miss my grand-aunt's gentle kindness, her warm smile, her green bean snacks and kueh pai tee that we'd always look forward to during Chinese New Year. May she rest in peace.