The trouble with Singapore barbecues

I never liked barbecues when I was younger. But going through the Singapore education system invariably meant exposure to barbecues, typically as a social function arranged for/by some ECA (extra-curricular activity) group in school. Throw in a dad who for some years arranged regular BBQ sessions every month or so, and I'd chalked up some experience along the way.

The typical Singaporean barbecue would consist of these main elements, with some variants:

1. charcoal pit fire


2. pre-cooked food, like bee hoon to keep impatient people busy while waiting for the BBQ fire to be ready


3. uncooked food for the BBQ


4. people that you assume are hungry enough to finish all the food mentioned above

The typical Singaporean barbecue also runs into the following problems, also with some variants:

1. people who can't start a fire without a flamethrower


2. people who stuff themselves early with bee hoon and have no space for the BBQed food


3. people who just slap uncooked meat on the grill and expect perfect results


4. people who don't want to cook or prepare food, and just sit at the table waiting to be served, occasionally moseying on down by the fire and make inane comments like "mm, that looks good, can I have a chicken wing?"

Hmm, we seem to have a people problem, don't we?

Exhibit A
When we arrived for tonight's barbecue, three guys were crowded around the charcoal pit and had laid out what looked like a decent setup. Three-quarters of an hour later, the guys had run out of fire-starters, the fire was down to two smoldering embers and they were about to resort to Zippo lighter fluid.

I stepped in and stopped them before they could apply the lighter fluid, and removed the half-burnt paper plates and the rag they were about to douse. Picking up a plastic plate as a makeshift fan, I went to work. Coaxing a sizeable charcoal fire from the remaining embers only took about 20 minutes, and I'm no Boy Scout.

After rescuing the fire, I left the cooking up to them. But as the fire approached its hottest point, the chicken wings went up onto the grill, and I knew instinctively that the first few wings they produced looked cooked but would still be raw on the inside. So I commandeered a food tong, grabbed some spare skewers to test the meat, and cooked the rest of the batch.

I've always preferred grilling chicken wings over low heat, which typically means waiting until the charcoal has burned down to a field of dull-red, white-ash-coated embers. Because of that, I usually don't eat much at a barbecue until later, after most people have had their fill. But J wasn't feeling too good and didn't want to stay late, so I didn't get to eat my slow-cooked wings tonight. I did manage to do some toasty marshmallows though.

The ideal BBQ
To me, a good barbecue party should only involve people who really enjoy the process. Minimal amounts of stomach-filling pre-cooked food. No bee hoon. Satay and chicken wings, fresh large prawns and some easy-to-grill vegetables. Marshmallows are optional, but desirable, preferably Campfire-branded. Long charcoal tongs, long food tongs, long skewers - hate getting my hands cooked while managing food. A well-stocked cooler, good company, and lots of time.

My only problem is organizing it - I'm terrible with the logistics. ;)